Country Turned Me Gay?
Those of you who know me might agree that I am an enigma of your imagination. An organic ever evolving squiggling mass that never seems to be in the same place for more than a few minutes. But for those who raised me, know that I was born rather 内向的 [inturned, withdrawn, introverted]. I guess 1984 was a relatively quiet year for China. The Great Leap Backward [大跃进], the Cultural Revolution [文化大革命], and even Mao [毛泽东] himself have passed. And in other parts of the world, Apple was making a bold move with the launch of the Macintosh, Brian Mulroney was winning landslide elections with the Conservative Party, and Vanessa Williams was giving back her crown after Penthouse made her the centerfold. Perhaps these three seemingly unrelated events conjured up what is to be me [露溪] along with my obsession with technology, distaste for the PC party, and my love for naked women.
Don't laugh now, because apparently random experiences was all I needed to turn gay. At least, in my mother's mind. As far as she's concerned, letting my grandma raise me in the rural suburbs of Shanghai from age 1.5 to 3.5 was the biggest mistake of her life. In those two years, I was raised like a farm boy, I played with dirty boys on the dirty streets, dressed only in my dirty shorts and tank , and mouthed off everybody with my dirty mouth in fluent Shanghainese slang. Of course after my return to Beijing, my mother went to work immediately. She tried to offset the effects of rural life by dressing me in frilly anythings, patting me down with makeup, and securing my hair behind my ears with a variety of head pieces. But we all know how that turned out; it was no use, the damage was done, country turned me gay.
I guess my mother's work didn't all go to waste. I liked the attention I got when I wore dresses and I probably applied that principle to my first date. I also did become quite fond of girly clothes and accessories, especially when it's on a hot girl. Come to think of it, it would be my grandma that made me gay and my mother that tweaked my taste for femme girls.
Don't laugh now, because apparently random experiences was all I needed to turn gay. At least, in my mother's mind. As far as she's concerned, letting my grandma raise me in the rural suburbs of Shanghai from age 1.5 to 3.5 was the biggest mistake of her life. In those two years, I was raised like a farm boy, I played with dirty boys on the dirty streets, dressed only in my dirty shorts and tank , and mouthed off everybody with my dirty mouth in fluent Shanghainese slang. Of course after my return to Beijing, my mother went to work immediately. She tried to offset the effects of rural life by dressing me in frilly anythings, patting me down with makeup, and securing my hair behind my ears with a variety of head pieces. But we all know how that turned out; it was no use, the damage was done, country turned me gay.
I guess my mother's work didn't all go to waste. I liked the attention I got when I wore dresses and I probably applied that principle to my first date. I also did become quite fond of girly clothes and accessories, especially when it's on a hot girl. Come to think of it, it would be my grandma that made me gay and my mother that tweaked my taste for femme girls.
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