Happiness?
This is a page out of my journal...
What does it mean to be happy?
To feel a sense of elation; that floating in thin air feeling? When you feel like smiling just because everything seems so wonderful? When everything is just so perfect?
After spending so many many days alone. I have grasped what it means to be happy. To be truely in my own element. When it comes down to it, you can only depend on yourself to be happy. At the end of the day, you have to be happy with the person you are and not just the person you are with.
When I get into a relationship, it quickly becomes an infatuation, an obsession; something I must have. I have always got what I wanted. But after that initial chase, when I finally catch up to my obsession, I give in. I give in whole-heartedly. Without inhibition to the other person. It's powerful, and I can be totally and utterly lost in the person and I wouldn't even know it. I become a part of them. I alter my behaviour, my preferences to what I subconsciously think they want. I start giving up myself, losing the passions that make me.
How do I get out of that cycle? I need to remove myself from people and break away the bonds that are suffocating me. I need to be solidified. Cast in copper. Right now, I'm only in the molding stages. Frustrated and torn apart from the inside by my own insanity, yet trying to reconstruct everything in a material that's unchanging; indestructable.
I still don't know where I am. How and why I made the choices that I have. I tried to do everything in my own accord, but at the end, they were for everybody else. How do I break away? How do I know what I choose is my true intentions?
What does it mean to be happy?
To feel a sense of elation; that floating in thin air feeling? When you feel like smiling just because everything seems so wonderful? When everything is just so perfect?
Happiness is only real when shared. - Into the Wild
After spending so many many days alone. I have grasped what it means to be happy. To be truely in my own element. When it comes down to it, you can only depend on yourself to be happy. At the end of the day, you have to be happy with the person you are and not just the person you are with.
I am too generous a person; I give too much.
When I get into a relationship, it quickly becomes an infatuation, an obsession; something I must have. I have always got what I wanted. But after that initial chase, when I finally catch up to my obsession, I give in. I give in whole-heartedly. Without inhibition to the other person. It's powerful, and I can be totally and utterly lost in the person and I wouldn't even know it. I become a part of them. I alter my behaviour, my preferences to what I subconsciously think they want. I start giving up myself, losing the passions that make me.
How do I get out of that cycle? I need to remove myself from people and break away the bonds that are suffocating me. I need to be solidified. Cast in copper. Right now, I'm only in the molding stages. Frustrated and torn apart from the inside by my own insanity, yet trying to reconstruct everything in a material that's unchanging; indestructable.
I still don't know where I am. How and why I made the choices that I have. I tried to do everything in my own accord, but at the end, they were for everybody else. How do I break away? How do I know what I choose is my true intentions?
I am reconstructing myself from the basics....
It's too bad this site hasn't been updated in months. I found it randomly and this entry really resonated with me. I feel like I'm going through the same thing, at least emotionally. Call it the quarter-life crisis.
Anyway, come back to blogging!
Kristel (http://iwontmakeyoueggs.com)