Diary of a Chinese Lesbian

It has been an year since things fell apart and now that I've gathered all the pieces and cleared out the rubbish, it's time to start myself down a new path. 2009 started off pretty bumpy and quickly spiraled into consecutive weekends of mad dancing, drinking, randomness, and the rest of the craziness I threw myself into; in an effort to feel something... anything.

The next year will require much more focus and discipline. I need to rock the standardized tests if I were to get anywhere (yes, I'm considering taking more than one). Meanwhile, on the personal side, I may open myself up again to heart break.

"When", I ask, "do we stop looking for that person? When does one fulfill enough of the 'standards' set to say that you will be satisfied for life?" The more people I meet, the more I reflect, ponder, idealize; the narrower my field of search. I'm now looking through a pinhole. That aside, I don't think I'd be satisfied with anything less. In an already shallow 'date pool', what I'm asking for is relationship suicide. Then again, I have straight friends with even more specific standards and they seem to have found people who are above and beyond their expectations.

Perhaps, it's not all at loss.