Side note...

To my readers, I apologize for my many months of absence. You have been writing and urging me to keep blogging and I'm sincerely sorry for not following through. Recently, a lot has happened in my personal life and I did not have the energy to write. However, I am getting back into my creative mode and you can all be sure to see something new on a weekly basis. Thank you for all your love and support. Love, Luxi

More About Me...

Diaries of a Chinese Lesbian is a personal retelling of my life from my first girl crush to the complexities of my present life. I'm sharing my stories in the hopes of helping other girls and women in their own coming out experience. We are not alone in this world and we should never feel like we are.

Focus/Discipline

It has been an year since things fell apart and now that I've gathered all the pieces and cleared out the rubbish, it's time to start myself down a new path. 2009 started off pretty bumpy and quickly spiraled into consecutive weekends of mad dancing, drinking, randomness, and the rest of the craziness I threw myself into; in an effort to feel something... anything.

The next year will require much more focus and discipline. I need to rock the standardized tests if I were to get anywhere (yes, I'm considering taking more than one). Meanwhile, on the personal side, I may open myself up again to heart break.

"When", I ask, "do we stop looking for that person? When does one fulfill enough of the 'standards' set to say that you will be satisfied for life?" The more people I meet, the more I reflect, ponder, idealize; the narrower my field of search. I'm now looking through a pinhole. That aside, I don't think I'd be satisfied with anything less. In an already shallow 'date pool', what I'm asking for is relationship suicide. Then again, I have straight friends with even more specific standards and they seem to have found people who are above and beyond their expectations.

Perhaps, it's not all at loss.

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